On the surface, life is good. I have got to hang out with many of my old friends this past summer, during the break, and reignited lots of relationships with friends I haven't seen in a while. Through these relationships I have had the oppurtunity to meet many great people and create new relationships that are very meaningful to me. However, outside of this, I'm missing the one relationship I want the most. While I have had the oppurtunity to date several people in the past year, I have not met that person for me. I have actually had the strength not randomly hook up with people, and stick to being me, not compromising who I am, at least not yet.
I'm just tired, of liking and not being liked in return. I think I would rather be single my whole life not liking anyone, then liking someone and having them not give two shits about you. I just want to be able to let it go, and forget it. I try and try and try and try and did I mention try, to put my emotions aside and wait patiently. After waiting for now a year for some sort of answer, I get nothing. It almost is in a since like I'm invisible to the world. People around me are in happy, healthy relationships, and people around me and people I like don't seem to care that much. And loving someone and not being able to let that go, is very painful, I have said it before. This time it really does hurt the most. Why does this continue to happen to me? I almost feel like I set myself up for this, and I fear I keep my distance from girls just out of fear. So lets be honest about things. I loved and cared about Sarah Maddix more than any girl on this planet.
So that sucks, and school is a big mess, and it is 5 day till the semester starts and I don't know if I'm going to be able to take my 1 class I need to graduate this semester because no one seems to want to return my calls or e-mails. So, I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I feel I'm further away from my goals then I was yesterday, and I work a job where basically I go in and act like a robot for 6- 14 hours a day.
That felt good, I'm done for now. I will write again when I'm a bit happier and organized about my life.